Comment, Depression

Broken Resolutions

So go on then, hands up, who made some resolutions at New Year?

Did you set a “to do” list as long as your arm?

Have you resolved to give up smoking/go on a diet/take up a sport?

Did you promise yourself you would be a better listener this year? A better spouse? A better parent?

Have you decided to finally clear out that cupboard under the stairs that has been driving you daft for years?


Me neither.

I purposely did NOT set any New Year’s Resolutions this year (just as an aside – why is it “New Year’s” Resolutions? Why the apostrophe? They are MY resolutions, they do not belong to the new year…but I digress)

I didn’t want to set myself up to fail – again – by deciding that I was a) going to have a massive personality overhaul, b) take up extreme sports to get this ailing, overweight and rapidly ageing body into shape or c) give myself so many things to do that my bucket list would end up looking more like a storage container list. So I told myself I would not bother with all that malarkey and instead just concentrate on the day-to-day stuff of living well, and living true.

But my plan has backfired on me. Because I have got to the middle of January without having any set goals or ambitions to strive for, I don’t feel as though I have taken advantage of the clean slate January offers us and I haven’t been able to shake myself out of my post-Christmas slump very well.

Without any “new me” resolutions to have a go at, the “old me” has continued in the same vein, but without the pre-Christmas energy and purpose that I had.

I usually experience some sort of January blues – most people do to some extent or another – and I have realised this week that without some targets to have a go at, that natural January depression has become a bit of a problem. This week in particular has been a bit of a struggle for me both mentally and physically.

I have come to realise that the mental attitude can have a profound affect on the physical body. For example, I can have days where I am literally rolling around the floor in agony but if my mindset is such that I am going to beat this, then as soon as there is a break in the pain I can smile and get on with things – studying, crocheting, reading, going out etc. But I can also have those days where my mental attitude is so fragile that even the mildest onset of pain can have me weeping and frightened to move just in case it hurts me even more.

I have realised this week that my mental state has been hovering more at the fragile end of the spectrum and it has been very difficult to envisage any positivity in my life or even any future in it. I also realised that last year I had given myself a set of resolutions to aim for and the corresponding slump last year was easier to manage precisely because I had something bigger than the immediate here and now to think about.

Without any long term goals or plans it is difficult for me to see the future. Now that’s a big admission to make but I feel it’s important to make it, and to share it. By admitting it and sharing it I feel able to put things into perspective, and to see the benefits of goals, targets, to-do lists, planned improvements, personality overhauls etc etc.

So in a nutshell I am going to break my resolution this year of having no resolutions and I am going to make some now. Yes I know it’s the 17th January, but it’s never too late to have a clean start is it?

I am going to draw up a couple of things I am going to aim for or to change about myself in the coming months. I might fail but so what? At least I’ll have fun trying and it beats being miserable about not having something to aim for!

Top of my list is making sure I leave the house EVERY DAY. It’s too easy to put off crossing over that threshold. And who knows what I might find on the other side of the door? Watch this space and see.


5 thoughts on “Broken Resolutions”

    1. I didn’t think so either, but by not having any this year I had done myself no favours. Maybe just simply having something to aim at no matter what time of year it is is the best way to go.


  1. I figure there’s a time and a place for everything. New Year is to maybe look backward, look forward and then give your neck a bit of a rub from all that twisting around.
    Change is something we should do in our own sweet time and to add yet another layer of stress/anxiety/fed-up-ness because we fail to achieve poorly made ill thought out targets, is a bit of a nonsense.
    Maybe we should go easy on ourselves. Self improvement is all very well but there’s a lot to be said for chilling.
    OR make a long list of your achievements to date. Then celebrate that list rather than looking at what you haven’t done yet.
    (mine’s on my 100 things page – probably needs revising….)


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