It’s been a bit of a wild week this week so I thought I would do my best to catch you up on things that have been happening on the Mushy Cloud.
This time last week I was still pretty grimly ill – infected mouth ulcers were on the wane but I still had the swollen glands and flu-like aches and pains from them (horrid little buggers they were), but because they came in the middle of an episode of stomach/offal difficulty it really hit me for six and laid me low for a while. Last Friday I got to the stage where I was in the weird no-man’s land of not being ill enough to warrant moping about, but not being well enough to carry on. You get that too? I was pretty miserable but we had our annual meeting at band and as conductor I have to give a report, so it was a good reason to push myself out of that rutted no-man’s land and get moving. We did an hour’s rehearsal too, which helped push the last of the misery clouds away. Hurrah!
Saturday – quiet day at home. Still waiting for my assignment to be marked from the OU, and my friend (who I had been having some difficulties with) had gone quiet on me too. Still feeling fluey, in pain and painkillers had run out. Surviving on over the counter drugs which don’t help at all because they’re not strong enough. Not a good day really, but a nice bottle of wine in the evening helped, although I drank it alone because Kevin was working on my kitchen floor. Appliances everywhere!
Sunday – another quiet day. Went to church which helped my mood and made be feel a bit more reconnected to life again. Still felt a bit rough will the vestiges of those mouth ulcers but determined to be on the “up” side of them. House eventually returned to normal by evening. Ah bliss.
Monday – oh dear, meltdown day! I went to Stay and Play as usual in the morning but I still hadn’t heard from my friend since Friday and I was on edge about the reasons why. Then I got my assignment mark back from my OU tutor and it just seemed to open the floodgates. All of the past fortnight’s pain and illness, my friend being upset with me, my uncertainty about a few things all came together with my rubbish mark on my assignment and it hit me like a train. I felt a complete failure on Monday. Easy to look back and see it differently now, but Monday was my own very personal Black Monday this week. My mark was only 2 higher than my first essay at the start of this course, which I accept was a rubbish essay because I didn’t do it very well. I thought I had cracked this one so the mark was so disappointing and I considered giving up my course because there’s no way I can get any better. I talked it over with some fellow students and they managed to get me to see it differently.
Tuesday – felt better about a lot of things. After my mammoth crying session the day before where I questioned just about every aspect of my life, Tuesday saw things fall into place a bit and I started to feel much brighter about things. Isn’t it funny how you need to reach that stage where you can’t possibly go on before you find that actually, you can go on, and go on better than you thought you ever could? Part of that surely has to be that I finally managed to see my GP after a three week wait for an appointment. I got my painkiller prescription from him and managed to talk to him about a few things, which helped.
Wednesday – storm day. You may have read about our weather here in the UK at the moment, or you may have read my Red Alert post earlier this week, but in brief, we have been hit by savage storms and flooding recently, the likes of which haven’t been seen for 250 years or more. Most of the south is under water, and the storms have ravaged our towns and countryside up north too. There have been fatalities because of the weather and as ever there is a rush to point fingers and lay blame on the politicians, who “should get this sorted out”. We were relatively lucky here in Manchester; we only lost a few trees and advertising hoardings but in many places buildings were ripped up, cars crushed and lorries overturned on the motorways and so on. I am glad I had already started to feel better and my mood had lifted by then or else I might have been tempted to try my Mary Poppins imitation.
Thursday – much, much better mood today and a much, much brighter future. I had a chat with my vicar about how things are going and what I feel called to do for my church. I also saw my friend for the first time in over a week and we managed to iron out our misunderstanding/wrongly assumed “you said x and I meant y” conversation. I started the next stage of my course too, which was like starting afresh on a new slate and the horrible depression of the past two weeks was finally on the turn. Hurrah! We had music group in church on Thursday night, which I had prepared some new songs for – even finding time to arrange a song and record a backing track for it – and which served a dual purpose for me this week. I was able to exercise my musical gift (something that I have felt I have been squandering recently) and it was also an opportunity for some musical prayer with others at church. A lovely evening of fellowship was just the thing I needed after everything I’d suffered in the last couple of weeks.
And so to today. More study, more cups of tea with my friend (I’m so glad we are back on track!), more music, some crochet band practice tonight where we played some great music and now my catch-up by blog post.
So this week I have watched the Olympics and fallen in love with snowboarding and curling (I can see myself hurtling down a snowy slope on a plank), finished one book and got half way through another, crocheted three neck-warmers (I’ll decide which one I am going to keep and which ones I’ll sell tomorrow), made a huge pan of bacon and lentil broth, almost given up on the Open University (almost, but not quite…), arranged two songs and recorded a backing track for church, managed to keep body and soul together (my foul means and fair), prayed like my life depended on it (it did), cried like the world was ending (it felt like it was), repaired a very special friendship bond, laughed til soup came down my nose (very uncomfortable having bits of bacon and carrot coming down your nose you know), have a better idea of where my future may lie, and altogether been broken up and made whole again.
Thank God for good food, good friends, a loving family, a safe home and firm faith. Here’s to the next 7 days!!