Imperfect Rhyme

I did a poetry writing exercise and wondered if you would like to give me some feedback please? The intention when I set out was to write a poem about a trip I took as a child and the instruction was to concentrate on the journey. Unfortunately, that only lasted as far as the first sentence for me and my mind took me off in a completely different direction (nothing new there then!).

I thought about playing about with the reader’s expectation of rhyme and came up with this. (The words in bold are the words where the intended rhyme is supposed to be). Apologies to non-UK readers if you don’t get all the references but hopefully you will still enjoy the poem.


The interminable journey in the back of a transit van.
Two families squashed together
For a long twelve road-hours,
A holiday to the Isle of

Wight. Across the Solent on a ferry
Sickness all around
From the adults
While the kids were busy making

Sandcastles on the beach, in anoraks.
Well this is an English summer!
Made of raincoats and wellies and

Picnics in the wind, or in the back of the van
For those too chilled
To sit in the wind.
Sandwiches, bottles of mineral shared by the

Families together. Rain and coloured sand,
Trips to Blackgang Chine. Cowes week
And sunburn – yes really! – that one day when
The rain took a holiday and Dad cut his

Leg on a rock jutting out into the sea,
Just beside The Needles,
Thinking he’d been stung by a 

Jellyfish. All too soon it’s home-time
With twelve road-hours ahead.
Two families with holiday tales
To be told in imperfect rhyme.




About Pam Smith

I am a Christian and currently exploring vocation. I am a writer, I conduct a brass band, I am an avid reader and when I'm not doing any of those things I crochet with a fierce passion. I am mum to two fantastic young adults, celebrating my Silver wedding anniversary in 2016 with my husband. I recently gained my Bachelor of Arts with honours.
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