Women’s Ministry? Or Simply, “Ministry”?

I received an interesting email today from one of my colleagues, Rev Jenni Beaumont who ministers in the neighbouring parish to me. She is the Bishop’s Advisor for Women’s Ministry here in Manchester and she is coordinating an art project to celebrate the work of women priests in the diocese. As she explains, it is in response to Eva’s Call, which is an art project that explores some of the negative things that women have had to face in ministry. This original project was in 2018, and I found it fascinating reading through the comments on it today, because I recognise so many of these comments said to me personally or that I have witnessed being said to my colleagues. What is disappointing is that in the 6 years or so since this original artwork was created, things haven’t really changed all that much and there is still so much negativity about women’s ministry.

Only yesterday, a parishioner pulled me in for a kiss at the peace with the words “I’ve been looking forward to this – it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to do this” (I’d not been at this particular church for a number of weeks). Last week whilst visiting a bereaved family I was asked “is it really like Dibley then?” (I work in an inner city parish of high deprivation markers in the majority of households, so that would be a no then…). Quite often I get remarks about me not being what they expected, but “you’re as good as a man though”, as if that’s some sort of consolation to me.

I’m over 50 now and pretty much all my adult working life I’ve had to put up with misogynistic abuse in the workplace in the name of “banter”, or “fun” or “supervision”, and it makes me so sad to know that for my younger colleagues, things are not that much better for them in their 20s and 30s. At least I don’t have to face the comments about my ability to juggle childcare and ministry like some of them do, and I don’t get asked whether my husband is a vicar as well because I’m well known in my community and they know he is most definitely NOT a vicar. I can’t help wonder what it will be like if and when I move parish or diocese at some point though. Would new people look over my head and address him as vicar instead of me as happens to so many other female vicars.

Surely in this day and age, especially given the heat around identity politics and the sensitivities around gender issues it is not beyond people to just call us “priests” is it? I yearn for the day when we don’t have to have special women’s advisors to the Bishop, and where it is normal practice to just assume that the minister at your wedding/funeral/baptism is more than likely going to be a woman and it not be a huge surprise.

We can’t be far off just calling us ministers, can we? Female or otherwise, just recognise me as a minister in God’s church doing my best for His people. My womanhood may give me a slightly different perspective on things because I know what it’s like to be on the fringes, overlooked, passed over, put down and ignored, and so it helps me see those who are there and to encourage them in. It also gives me a different set of skills like multi-tasking and an inability to pack my boot very well. But when it comes to loving God’s people and serving Him, it makes no difference whatsoever. It’s as Paul says,

²⁷ for all of you who were baptised into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. ²⁸ There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. ²⁹ If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.

Galatians 3: 27-29

We all belong to Christ, so why do we keep trying to separate each other?

I do look forward to the response that Rev Jenni and team are pulling together, and it will be interesting to see how things have changed or developed since the original Eva’s Call project. I’m interested to see if some of those negative comments still pervade women’s ministry and how my sisters (and brothers!) tackle it in their ministry day by day. The event will be on 2nd May in Manchester Cathedral and will culminate in a special eucharist to celebrate 30 years since women were first ordained as priests.

I’ll report back and let you know what transpires.

Clergy Conference

I am away at my Diocesan Clergy Conference for a couple of days, and I have had such a wonderful day today I wanted to share it with you.

First off was the amazing. journey here. I set off at just after 8.30am and headed south towards Buxton and Derbyshire to get to the conference centre here at Swanwick. There was no traffic problems at all, and I made good time getting here. But the best bit was the scenery along the route. It was like driving through an augmented reality version of someone’s idea of what the English countryside ought to look like. It was simply STUNNING.

Then was the arrival and welcome from Bishop Mark. So lovely to be personally welcomed and greeted with some lovely banter from him and my colleague, Mike.

The grounds here are superb, and I’m a bit sad that I can’t spend more time relaxing here because there are so many lovely resting places to explore and opportunities to enjoy nature. But not to worry, next year hopefully will be a longer visit and I’ll get chance to do that then instead. We would have started conference on Monday this week had it not been for the Coronation, and so would have been here for two nights not just the one.

We’ve had two really helpful sessions this afternoon, had some great social times and conversations with friends, and have shared worship and prayer three times together as a cohort. I’ll talk more about the sessions another time because it’s past my bedtime here, and I need to be up very early in the morning. However, I will leave you with a couple of photos from the day today to be going on with.

Blessings,

Pam xx

Blast From The Past

One of my favourite books as a child was the Blue Peter “Make, Cook and Look Book”. My mum and dad bought it for me one Christmas, and I absolutely LOVED it. My dad used to pronounce it differently to the rest of us – we would say the “oo” to rhyme with “uh”, but my dad said it to rhyme with “ew”. I think it’s a Lancashire thing, and we used to be in tucks (or “tew-ks” laughing when he’d try to correct us…

I don’t remember what happened to my copy all those years ago, but I was gifted a copy today by a lady who I visited at home. She was having a clearout, and it had resurfaced in amongst some other stuff she had, and she has let me have it. I’m beyond thrilled!!

Thank you D, I shall treasure this!

Love and light,

Pamster x

Variety is the Spice Of Ministry

I’ve had a wonderfully varied couple of days ministering to the good folks of North Manchester these past few days, and I’m reminded of the privilege of my calling.

In the last two days I’ve led and preached solo at a new church, led an online service, assisted at baptism in one church and helped with tech support at youth service in another. Today I’ve been involved in two toddler groups in different churches and taken a funeral service in yet another church and down at the crem. It’s been brilliant to be involved with so many people in so many different settings, and to share the gospel on so many different ways is wonderful.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

Grace and peace

Pam x

The Joy Of Ministry

I have been involved with funeral ministry now for about 7 or 8 years, and have recently (since my ordination in July) been conducting services solo.

And it has been a very different experience, not least because I now do the family visit on my own rather than with my supervising colleague. The responsibility of liaising with the family about what they want in the service, what music to have etc falls to me, and – crucially – the timing is my responsibility too.

The service slots at our Crematorium are 20 minutes, which is not very long to pay tribute to loved ones, say prayers, listen to some music and say goodbye. If we run over the 20 minutes we risk earning the family a fine, and so timing is a big factor when I plan my services.

I did a service recently where I was very worried about timing more than usual, and though the family understood my concerns, they wanted quite a lot of elements included in the service. And because they were so lovely to me, the pressure was on even more to not earn them a fine. I don’t like hurrying through services because for me, it is an important step in the grieving process, and if I rush things, or gloss over things, I’m not being fair to the family and I risk causing them more pain if it looks like I’m being too quick and not giving full respect to them or their loved one.

I did my best, and I felt it went OK in the end. We overran by a few minutes but it was the last service of the day and so the staff turned a bit of a blind eye – thank you boys! And on the way out, lots of people were very polite, thanking me for my words etc, and I felt I’d ministered to the bereaved and trusted that God’s word was heard through me.

The family were very appreciative on the day, which at the time I just put down to politeness. But I received a phonecall on Sunday to tell me that they had a card and some flowers for me to thank me for my ministry. I met with one of them today to receive the gifts and I felt very humbled by it.

It’s the first time a family has given me a thank you card, and I’m touched and thrilled in equal measure. They said it was as if I’d known their mum myself because I’d spoken so well, and they said I’ve helped give them hope that death is not the end.

To be told that – especially the second bit – is one of the deepest joys of ministry I can think of. To share the good news is ministry in a nutshell, but to hear that people have drawn hope from my words, well… praise the Lord!

Blessings

Pam

Today’s Office

I took my first funeral at St Mary’s Church today, and the committal was at Middleton Crematorium, which is also a first for me. I have attended services there, I have played the Last Post there, and I have assisted a colleague at a service before, but today was the first time I was in charge of the buttons.

Middleton Crematorium Chapel

Whilst I was there, I took the opportunity to visit the grave of one of “my boys” from the time I worked at the local secondary school. He was killed whilst on active service, and his death shocked the whole world. To protect his privacy I won’t name him here, but if you know, you know who I mean.

As I looked for his headstone, I came across the grave of another one of “my boys” from the school. Another young soldier who lost his life on active service overseas, a tragedy in many, many ways. I didn’t realise he was buried here too, and to see his headstone was a shock. I admit that I cried a little as I stood by his grave. A beautiful soul taken way too soon.

I did find the grave I was looking for, and I sat for a little while on the bench next to it. The cemetery is a beautiful parkland, very peaceful and a lovely place to sit and to remember. There is a small plaque on the bench that reads, “to the world [he] was a soldier, but to me he was the world”. I think his mum wrote that, and it made me cry.

It is a privilege to be involved in funeral ministry in the way that I am, and I am grateful to be called to it because it means I get to spend time in beautiful places like I have done today. Of course my main passion is the love of people and sharing the gospel with them, but now and again, a few moments of reflection is a joy too.

Grace and peace,

Pam x

My Ministry Day

Wow, what a day today!! I’ve had a full on ministry day today, with a bit of everything going on.

First up was a trip to St Mary’s Stay and Play, which is a toddler group held inside the church building of one of my group’s churches. I hadn’t visited them before and I was excited to see some new faces and to get to know some new children.

When I arrived on site, the mist was still hanging around and the dampness in the air bejewelled the spider’s webs on the handrail leading to the door. I tried to take a photo that captured the atmosphere and the webs, but the best I could do was this:

Hopefully you can see what I mean about it being atmospheric!

I spent about an hour there and left them just as the children were sitting down to their mid-morning snack of toast and juice. It made my heart flip over to see them sitting at little tables in the space in front of the altar. There was something sacramental in that moment, and the sight of them breaking bread at the foot of the cross is one I’ll treasure.

Next, I went to the Stay and Play at St Paul’s which was opened for the first time in over 18 months. I accidentally got stuck in a funeral cortege on the way, and because I was in my clergy collar, I felt it appropriate to stick with them rather than hurry past as other “brave” drivers were doing from time to time.

The church hall was absolutely full to the brim with children and their carers, and it was a joyous sight to see after all this time in lockdown and under covid restrictions. It brought a lump to my throat to see everyone, and I was thrilled to see that a lot of our mums had returned after the break – some with new babies in tow! It was tricky to recognise some of the older children because, of course, they have been doing an awful lot of growing up while we’ve not been able to meet them, but it was so lovely to see how they are growing and thriving. I had a cuddle from a 6 month old baby girl who wasn’t even a twinkle when we last saw her mum and her older brother. Such a privilege to hold someone else’s child like this, and definitely a welcome return to “normal” after all this time.

I had a couple of phone calls with funeral directors about two services I am taking, which involved a degree of compromise and shuffling about, but we got there in the end!

Next was a funeral visit with a family whose loved one is being cared for by us at the end of the month. I absolutely love my funeral ministry, and I particularly love hearing the stories about those who people have lost. I hope that my ministry can bring some comfort to them at these times.

I got home for an hour or so before I joined an online planning meeting for our worship next Sunday. It is Harvest Sunday on Sunday, and we will be collecting for several charities across our Mission Community. Across St Paul’s, St Peter’s, St Andrew’s, St Chad’s, St John’s and St Mary’s we will be supporting Water Aid, The Mustard Tree and the Booth Centre.

Booth Centre Harvest Appeal

The Mustard Tree Harvest Appeal

After a quick cup of tea and change of clothes, I was off out to the first of my curacy teaching sessions. I had to present a theological reflection on an aspect of my vocation, role and identity changes that have happened since ordination as part of the meeting, which for some reason made me really nervous. I was looking forward to getting together with my learning group tonight, but the presentation gave me the wobbles. However, it all went well and we had a great discussion about the two presentations tonight.

And so I am heading to bed now with a full and happy heart, grateful as ever that I have been called to this life of service in God’s church. There have been some tough bits today, but there have been some real joyous moments too.

I’ll leave you with the words of the song we sing to close the Stay and Play session at St Paul’s:

Tha-ank you Lord for all our friends,
Tha-ank you Lord for all our friends,
Tha-ank you Lord for all our friends,
Here at Stay and Play.

Come and wave your hands and shout “goodbye”,
Come and wave your hands and shout “goodbye”,
Come and wave your hands and shout “goodbye”,
Til we meet again

Grace and peace,

Pamster x

My Sewing Day

I had a day of sewing today, which went hand in hand with my intention to spend time with God ahead of my ordination this coming weekend.

You may know if you follow my blog regularly that I have been sewing my own clergy clothes for me to wear when I am doing the more informal stuff in my ministry. I have made a couple of tunic tops which are perfectly serviceable and wearable, if they are a little ragged round the edges (don’t look on the inside at my seams!), and I have been trying to convert a pattern for a zip-up top that was originally designed for jersey type material. I’ve had several attempts at it so far – the first one was so tight I had a panic attack in it and my husband had to cut it off me, the second was still too tight in the arms and it felt like I had blood pressure cuffs on, and the third one… well the third one I made today.

I began again from scratch with the last one by measuring myself properly all over, then I created a “block” (a basic bodice pattern that matched my specific measurements), and added the necessary adjustments for ease with woven fabrics, and though it was way too tight in the arms and a bit uncomfortable round my tummy, I was so nearly there with it that I only needed to make a few adjustments to the pattern today. I bit the bullet and decided to go for it using “proper” fabric instead of the waste bed sheets and things I’ve been practicing with.

It was my intention to spend the day today away from the computer and phone, so I could start to get my head in the right place before we go to the cathedral on Thursday for the ordination practice and the first of my final two interviews. I wanted a day of quiet and so sewing this clergy top today was perfect. I listened to David Suchet reading the Old Testament from about Genesis 12, and I got all the way through to Exodus 4 before the boys came home from work and it wasn’t practical to keep listening while they were doing their stuff. I put on some music instead (thank you Dire Straits and Phil Collins!) and finished the last hem at about 10 o’ clock this evening.

Here’s a few photos of my efforts today.

*Top tip: you don’t need to spend a fortune on pattern weights when cutting out your fabric. These are plumber’s washers from B&Q and only cost me just a couple of quid. Bargain!

I need to redo the collar bit because it doesn’t quite sit right at the back and I need to perhaps run it through the washing machine to get rid of the chalk marks, but apart from that I’m so chuffed with my little self today, and I really enjoyed having the Bible read to me as I worked. I would definitely recommend it in the future.

Grace and peace

Pam x

You’ll Be In My Heart

In the course of my ministry in the church, I have had the privilege to be involved in some incredible moments, witnessing the highs and lows, the joys and the despair of human experience. As I now only a week away from ordination, God willing, I have been thinking about what my future ministry is going to look like and where God is going to call me next.

But as I ponder on the future and what may happen, there has been a memory today that has kept me company and I wanted to share some music with you that is closely tied to it.

I can’t give you any details, but there was a funeral I did with Eddie a few years ago that has stuck with me for many reasons, and every now and again I think of the person who died, and their family who have had to build a life together that they didn’t expect to have to do. I have been involved with lots of funerals now but this one is different, and whenever I hear this song, I am right back there with the family in their living room the night we planned the funeral and then sharing their grief in the crematorium chapel a few days later.

For “M”, who will always be in my heart.

Grace and peace

Pam